To get to my mom’s cancer, they cut her from her back, along her side, to just under her breast. Then they spread open her ribs and went in with their knives. When they were done, they stapled her back together. The pain was bad from the incision, the staples and, of course, the ribs that had been pulled apart, then put back into place. When my mom moved and turned the wrong way, she grimaced with pain, and we often said, it must be those ribs. Yes, she agreed. Imagine them, spread open unnaturally, or in earlier times, simply broken, to get to the lung.
About the same time I learned my mom was sick, my chest and back began to hurt. A sharp, sudden pierce, starting at the front, would drill into my back – or vice versa. It happened when I woke up or after sitting at my desk. I ruled out a heart attack and decided it must be anxiety or sympathy pains for the left side of my mom’s chest, damaged from the surgery, damaged from decades of smoke. I mentioned it to my naturopath on a visit about something totally different, looking for confirmation from a professional.
“It sounds like your ribs,” she concluded. Then, gently tapping her long fingers down the washboard of my chest and back, she notes one rib out of place in the front and the corresponding rib in the back, also not where it should be. I am sent to the chiropractor, a woman called Paradise who lulls me with her soft, soothing touch, only to suddenly and violently crack my ribs and everything else she can align back into its so-called rightful place. I feel beaten up and light-headed. My ribs are sore, though not as sore as those of my mother, so rudely and unexpectedly separated.
My ribs settle back down, and that sudden pierce goes away. I am tender but somehow whole again. I contemplate my ribs and hers and the cage that circles the spine, holding everything, even the fear, inside.
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