Samuel Wong
It’s never too late to be who you might have been. —George Eliot
Back in November, I worked a shift at the Writers’ Dojo booth at Wordstock, an annual conference for lovers of the book and the written word held in the Oregon Convention Center in Portland, Oregon. The Dojo had a great spot at the book fair, lots of visibility and traffic, an appealing “mini-Dojo” set-up, complete with chairs and a small couch where weary word-lovers could take a break and rest their feet. All afternoon, it was hard not to be amazed by the numbers of people stopping by: Readers, writers, publishers, booksellers, and many, many aspiring writers—and many in that group were middle-aged and beyond.
A few years ago, a graduate school friend who now teaches in a low-residency writing program was working on a panel about “Late Bloomers” for the Associated Writing Program’s annual conference. As I understood it, the idea was to gather a group of writers and/or teachers and lead a discussion about people who come to their writing careers and/or get published and recognized after they are forty years old. At the time, our back-and-forth e-mails got me thinking about what such a term means, and whether or not it really is applicable to the many of us who embrace writing and the writing life—whether for the first time or after a long hiatus—when we are “middle-aged.”
To me, the word “late” itself implies time passing—as does the word blooming—as if there is a before-and-after, an inevitable progression, almost a prescription as to how something—an event, an activity, a life—is expected to unfold. A flower follows a cycle, buds then blooms and, in time, the blossom drops and dies. Beginning and end. Start then finish. Early versus late. In a recent essay in the New Yorker called “Late Bloomers”, Malcolm Gladwell, writes: “Genius, in the popular conception, is inextricably tied up with precocity—doing something truly creative, we’re inclined to think, requires the freshness and exuberance and energy of youth.” He goes on to offer a few familiar examples—Mozart, Picasso, Orson Welles. But the story doesn’t stop there.
These days, it certainly seems that, for the most part, contemporary literary culture celebrates the precocious achievements of gifted youth more often than seasoned later-in-life talents. I wonder, instead, if it isn’t a better idea to see creativity and art as part of the flow of life and our lives, something we inhabit and do, a continuous, unfolding arc of possibility rather than an arrival at a destination bound and determined solely by our subjective notions of time?
For a host of reasons, many of us take longer to do what we want or feel we are meant to do in life. I returned to a focus on writing at in 1988 when I was in my early 30s; that seems young now, looking back. I moved on from extramural classes to the master’s program at SUNY/Binghamton, getting my degree in 1994. But only in my 40s, after other life priorities shifted and changed, was I able to make writing my daily focus. And still that journey has included more workshops, classes, and writing teachers and mentors. Surely, life intervenes time and again and circumstances and artistic preoccupations change, even for those writers who start out of the gate running, showing flash and dazzle when they are 25 years old.
Are the potholes any different for a late-blooming writer than a youngster? Maybe, maybe not. Sometimes I think there are more potholes the farther away you live from New York City or if you are outside the college and university writing scene, as I have chosen to be. Still, I think an increasing number of writers (not just later-in-life ones) are doing their work outside of academia. Many can’t afford to plunk down the tuition money for MFA/MA programs. Or they aren’t willing to go into debt for a degree that won’t necessarily get them very much in terms of practical, wage-earning skills in the end. This may make it even harder to market oneself, or to break into the journals especially the ones associated with colleges and universities—we all know connections are the name of the game in that corner of the writing world.
I also wonder if publication a good way to measure who is and isn’t arriving to the writer’s life late. Publishing is a major crapshoot. I have had some success in my “late-blooming period” (a fellowship, publications, a chapbook.) Still, these successes, while encouraging, are a reminder that the competition to be “discovered” let alone successfully published—and read by more than your friends and relatives, books not immediately remaindered, etc.—is fierce. Some of this is a direct result of the industry the AWP itself has worked to create—so many writing programs which has led to many more writers at a time when fewer and fewer people are reading and buying books. The longer I work at this (and possibly the older I get) I find I am writing more for myself and less for any hope of recognition or the attentive eyes of the world. I know young writers who’ve come to this same conclusion. We do it for the love or because we can’t not write. And hope to find a few readers along the way who like and appreciate our work. After that it was all gravy, every minute of it, as Raymond Carver once wrote in a poem. (Carver died at the age of 50 in 1988. Most of his writing success came to him after he was 40 years old.)
More and more, I suspect blooming only happens when we stop talking about whether it’s early or late. When we stop comparing our idiosyncratic creative trajectories tit for tat. When we simply sit down and do the work, our work. In the end, isn’t that all that really matters?
And a postscript for all you horticulture nerds: The photo is a Night-blooming Cereus, a member of the cactus family that blossoms only once, its heady and fragrant petals closing by the following morning. It’s also known (with good reason) as Queen of the Night, the lunar flower, the moon flower, and luna flower.
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Nancy, I love this and how you pack so much content into a short post. I am not over 40 yet, but I can relate. I am a late bloomer in that I have been plagued with self-doubt around carreer decisions throughout my life, especially trying to reconcile my creative drive with my practical aspirations of making money. I liked your sentiment at the end about how you right more and more for yourself and not for any kind of kudos from the outside world. For me, I think I will have 'bloomed' when I can just have less struggle and angst around how I choose to spend my time, being present for the work I do and feeling at the end of the day that it was good, that it was enough.
On a completely superficial note...does blooming have to mean crows feet? Or in the case of the Queen of the Night, all our petals falling off?
Rachel
...not just crow's feet. And what if the petals we lose are fragrant, and end up nourishing more plants to sprout and grow beneath our roots? Sorry it took me so long to get to reading your comment, Rachel. I do think it is a challenge to be a non-conformist, a less-than-conventional person in this life that has been so prescriptive for, oh, the past 10 or 20 years. It almost seemed like those of us who ask questions, who want to live with our own thoughts in our heads were on the wane...I think with the coming of the new folks to DC, our culture is in for a jolt and maybe, just maybe, those of us who choose to travel a less straight-and-narrow road will be better appreciated for daring to make a life out of such steps.
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